Despondent Faith
by Periphery
Summary: Missing moment from Waking the Dragons, on the train the night before the gang get separated. They may be on their way to rescue Yugi, but doubts need to be assuaged and fears need to be realized.


_Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh. Obviously._

_A/N: I think Joey and Tristan are underappreciated. I am also a fanfic nut. Hence, this freak of nature . . . ._

_If anyone happens to know for sure whether or not they actually spent a night on the train, please let me know. And if they didn't, well, consider this an AU. : )_

Tristan Taylor tossed and turned.

Three days. It had been three days since the fateful duel in the desert. He could still see it, sometimes, on the backs of his closed eyelids. Hear it, echoing into his mind.

Monsters attacking . . . exploding into bits . . . the Seal -- on the ground, encircling the duelists . . . too late, they were too late . . . the Seal -- etched into Yugi's forehead . . . stunned whispers from the sidelines . . . _My best buddy's got that freaky thing on his forehead and I want answers!_ . . . this couldn't be happening . . . anguished screams . . . a beam of green light soaring up to the heavens . . . best friends collapsing in the dust . . .

Tristan opened his eyes and turned over again, staring at the corrugated metal ceiling of the train.

"Could you try sleeping _quietly_?" came Tea's annoyed voice from behind him.

"I'm _obviously_ not sleeping at all."

"Well, nobody else can sleep what with all the racket you're making!"

"Fine . . . " Tristan forced himself to lie still. The train rocked gently from side to side; moonlight reflected off the desert sands and flickered across the ceiling.

Yugi was gone . . . the sleeping figure in the seat behind Joey wasn't Yugi, it was someone else -- the Pharoh. It was he who had played the Orichalchos card, sealing the fate of one of Tristan's best friends . . . .

The Pharoh blamed himself, and part of Tristan couldn't help but agree. After all, if the card had never been played, no sould would have been lost. But still, Tristan couldn't help feeling that it was his own fault, somehow, that if he went back and relived every last moment, he would figure out where he had gone wrong . . . what on earth had driven the Pharoh to play that card?

_We may never know_, he thought. Yugi might have been able to figure it out, but Yugi was gone. And chances were slim, very slim, that they would ever get him back . . . _If Tea could hear my thoughts right now, she's start to cry,_ Tristan reflected grimly. He must never let her, let any of them, know how he felt -- even though it was true. Even though this whole train journey was nothing more than a shot in the dark, a last desperate attempt.

It was hopeless.

Yugi was gone.

Finally, Tristan fell asleep, exhausted from the effort involved in not crying.

He woke up some time later as the train shuddered to a halt. He kept his eyes shut tight, wishing bitterly that the driver could have made a smoother stop and allowed him to remain asleep. Sleep was a reprieve, an escape from three days' worth of constant anxiety.

A strange sound was coming from the next seat. Tristan lay there, wondering idly how one would describe it. It was a sort of choking sound, punctuated by occasional gasps and sobs . . . sobs?

Tristan opened his eyes and sat up, peering at Joey, whose face was turned to the window, out of sight, but whose shoulders were quaking violently.

"Joey?"

Joey's response to this was to pull his pillow over his head. It started trembling too.

Tristan seized his friend's wrist and shook it roughly. "Joey, buddy . . . "

Joey dropped the pillow and sat up. He refused to look at Tristan, instead staring at the front of the car, over the heads of the sleeping passengers. Tristan waited for him to collect himself. Joey was oddly silhouetted in the artificial light pouring from the station.

"That was stupid," Joey finally muttered once the train had started moving again.

"You've done a lot of stupid things in your life," Tristan said honestly.

Joey snorted without humor.

"But somehow, I get the feeling this isn't one of them." Tristan waited.

Joey squeezed his eyes shut and heaved a shuddering sigh. "It's just . . . " he whispered hesitantly, "I guess I just . . . . I miss 'im."

"Me too," Tristan said quietly.

"And," Joey continued, staring directly ahead once more, "sometimes I just wanna beat the crap outta the stupid Pharoh. I could take him, easy. I wanna hurt him so bad for what he did . . . to Yug. But I can't, 'cause we don't have time for that. And 'cause . . . . "

"'Cause he's hurting too," Tristan supplied. "And because his heart's in the right place, and because he's your friend too."

"But Yugi . . . Yug's like my brother."

"Yugi wouldn't want you to beat the crap out of the Pharoh."

"'Violence isn't the answer,'" Joey quoted, and laughed a little. "I know. I guess that's really all that's stoppin' me."

"So long as something is."

"It just kills me -- "

"Shhh!" Tristan hissed.

"It just _kills_ me," Joey repeated in a lower tone, "that we can't show how much this is hurtin' us. We hafta go on and pretend like everythin's all normal -- and it's so _not _normal, it's so _wrong_ -- " Joey pummeled the pillow angrily.

"Get a grip on yourself, man!"

"I don't know if I can keep up the act much longer." Joey sounded frantic, and now Tristan was alarmed.

"You can and you will," he said fiercely. "You'll do it for Yugi."

Joey's mouth twisted itself into a wry grimace. "Can't do much for Yugi, can I?" he said bitterly. "Couldn't keep 'im outta this . . . "

"Joey!"

"There musta been somethin'! Somewhere along the line, there musta been somethin' I coulda done! And that night -- the night of the duel . . . we wasted so much time! We coulda gotten there quicker, stopped things before they went too far . . . " Joey was silent for a moment. "I shoulda buckled my seat belt."

"This is nobody's fault, Joey," Tristan said, even as he thought of his own weighing guilt.

"It doesn't _matter_ if it's anybody's fault, 'cause I'm gonna feel guilty no matter what you say."

"That's what I thought," Tristan sighed.

"After all he's done for me . . . all the times he's saved my skin . . . he's always bein' such a pal . . . I couldn't keep 'im from doin' this, I couldn't keep 'im safe . . . " Joey dropped his eyes to the floor and fiddled absently with the edge of the pillowcase. "I'm not good enough to be his friend," he muttered, voice so low as to be barely audible.

It took Tristan a moment to digest the last statement. "Now _that_," he said, "is stupid."

"No, it's not!" Joey reacted angrily, jerking his head up to meet Tristan's gaze for the first time.

"Yes, it is," Tristan said slowly but firmly, as though explaining things to a very small child. "It. Is the most. Ridiculous. Thing. I have ever. Heard."

Joey glared, eyes blazing, as though daring him to elaborate.

"I don't think that," Tristan said patiently. "Tea doesn't think that . . . Yugi most _definitely_ does not think that."

"There's no reason for 'im not to," Joey murmured.

Tristan had to resist the urge to throw his hands up in frustration. "God, Joey, d'you gotta be so stubborn? Have you ever stopped to think _why_ he wants to help you out?"

"'Cause that's the kind of guy Yugi is. He's too noble for his own good."

"No!" It's 'cause you're his best friend, you idiot! It's 'cause he needs you as much as you need him! It's 'cause he couldn't take it if anything happened to you!"

Joey looked away, and Tristan could tell he was on the verge of tears again.

"Listen, Joey," he said, a little more calmly, "you can't be so down on yourself. Not if this is gonna work . . . " Why was he saying that?

"It's gotta work," Joey said softly, conveniently ignoring the part about not gettin down on himself. "I keep tellin' meyself it's not permanent. It's not gonna be this way forever. But then I think, what if it is?" He turned to Tristan in desperation. "What if we fail? What if we never . . . never see 'im again? W-what if -- " The threatening tears broke through, and Joey buried his face in his hands.

For a long moment, Tristan just sat and watched his friend cry.

"Oh, Joey," he said finally, and wrapped both arms around him.

"Joey, buddy, don't talk like that. You can't think about what ifs. We're not gonna fail. We're gonna get him back."

To his own surprise, Tristan found that he belived the words.

Yami lay awake, listening to Joey and Tristan talk.

He had done this to them.

His actions were the cause of their sadness.

They missed Yugi too -- he hadn't really thought about that. He had been concentrating, all too much, on his own grief.

But . . . he couldn't give up, because they needed him to help get Yugi back.

Yugi . . . .

_You're wrong, Joey_, Yami thought sadly. _It was I who could not keep Yugi safe . . . but I won't let it happen again._

Tea heard them too. She felt empty, as though some invisible hand had yanked out her insides, leaving nothing behind.

She had never heard Joey break down like that. He had shed a fair few tears, to be sure, but never so . . . out of control. Somehow, it drove home the reality of their situation. Tea wondered absently why she wasn't crying.

_Maybe I'm changing_, she thought. _Maybe we all are._ She needed a good cry, but the tears refused to come.

The train rumbled onward into the night.


End file.
